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Every so often we step out of the medical and insurance communities to bring you stories and lessons about empathy and apology. This is one of those weeks.
If you've been following recent headlines you know Oprah Winfrey's all-girls academy in South Africa was recently rocked with a sexual, physical, and verbal abuse scandal. Allegations have been made that at least one student was fondled and several more were physically and verbally abused.
Oprah made a bee-line to South Africa and held a special emergency meeting with the girls' parents. According to the Associated Press, here are some of the things Oprah said to the parents:
"I've dissapointed you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
In reference to the school's principal who has been placed on leave, Ms. Winfrey has these words:
"I trusted her. When I appointed her, I thought she was passionate about the children of Africa...but I've dissapointed."
In response to Winfrey comments, one parent was quoted by the Associated Press saying that he and other parents did not blame Winfrey and they believe she cares for the children of Africa more than anyone else, parents included. Quite a statement!
This upfront, take charge of the situation attitude exhibited by Winfrey - which included a frank apology - should not be surprising. The recent flap over James Frey and "A Million Little Pieces" also had Winfrey looking right into the camera, taking ownership of the situation, and apologizing to her viewers and fans.
Now, compare Winfrey's approach to sexual abuse at her school with the way the Catholic Church has handled their massive sexual abuse scandal. It's a night day and difference. True, Oprah has one school with a handful of staff, and the Catholic Church has millions of children and hundreds of thousands of priests under their watch, but it begs the question if the Church had taken or would take Oprah's approach would the problem eventually be fixed and people be allowed to heal? Even today in Chicago (Sorry Works! is based in Illinois) stories of fresh cases (last few years) of clergy sex abuse are frequently being reported by local news media. Makes you wonder when the Catholic Church is going to wake up? Indeed, the Pope and his leadership need Sorry Works!
As a reader, you may ask,"Why are you brining up the Catholic Church? Everyone knows they have a problem, but by picking on them you might alleniate some of your readers.
There is a point and reason for the comparision:Oprah and her company are a female-dominated culture (Oprah is the owner and CEO), whereas the Catholic Church is a male-dominated culture. Female- dominated cultures may just do a better job saying "sorry" than male-dominated cultures, and female dominated cultures are more likely to encourage empathy and apology versus cover-ups and deny & defend.
Now, how does this tie into the medical community?
Page 38 of Dr. Michael Wood' book Healing Words (First Edition) contains the following quote: "Male physicians are three times more likely to be sued for malpractice than their female colleagues." Juxtaposed to this statement is the fact that medicine has traditionally been a male-dominated culture, but it's changing! Either because of nature or nuture, women traditionally better understand the importance of empathy and apology. Moreover, women in general seem to be more in tune with other people's feelings and moods. Call it the "touch feely" factor, if you will. But, as Sorry Works! board member Dr. John Banja says, med-mal is all about the "touchy feel" stuff. When peoples' emotions, fears and concerns about adverse medical events are not met head-on with empathy, excellent customer service, and apology - when necessary - they become angry and that anger - as Hickson's research says - is the primary driver of med- mal lawsuits. Anger, not greed, is the primary reason people file medical malpractice lawsuits. The medical community has been missing this point on the med-mal issue for far too long probably because there's too much testosterone floating around in medicine!
Sorry Works! founder and spokesperson Doug Wojcieszak has made countless presentations to risk management groups (and will be making another in Kentucky this week - see below), most risk managers are women (former nurses, usually), and they "get it." Hopefully as more women earn MDs more doctors will "get it" too and the med-mal crisis will lessen. But don't give up on the guys just yet....with proper training and coaching gents can learn to set aside their gruffness and say "sorry" too. And Sorry Works! is here to help....call or e-mail us any time for training and consulting!
Closing thoughts on Oprah's approach we can all learn from:
1) Oprah should be applauded for flying straight to Africa and looking parents in the eye. She didn't send a letter, do a conference call, or send one of her assistants or a lawyer...no, she showed up in person. That's what these parents needed most at this moment of crisis, and patients and families need the same from their physician (s) in a moment of crisis.
2) Notice how one of the parents was very forgiving and complimentary to Oprah. When you take ownership of a situation, accept blame, and say "sorry," often the offended party will sometimes try to take some ownership too. Call it the "Aw shucks, I've got some blame for this mess too" factor. For providers this means patients and families may take more ownership of unfortunate events, especially if they had not followed physician's orders, not had regular check ups, smoked, drank too much, etc, etc instead of placing all the blame on the doc or nurses for the unfortunate outcome. This is a normal but powerful human emotion providers need to understand.
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