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December 1, 2008 NEWSLETTER
Doug Wojcieszak, Founder & Spokesperson
Contact phone/e-mail address: 618-559-8168; doug@sorryworks.net
THIS WEEK'S EDITION:
December 1 NEWSLETTER
Doug Wojcieszak, Founder & Spokesperson
Contact phone/e-mail address: 618-559-8168; doug@sorryworks.net
IN THIS EDITION:
- SORRY WORKS! EDITORIAL: Stamping Out "Apology Illiteracy"
- New York Times Video on Apology and Disclosure
- Sorry Works! Books for Christmas - just $24.99 per copy
Sorry Works! Presentation to New Jersey State Medical Society a success/Presentations for 2009
- Great Article on Apology from Irish Times
SORRY WORKS! EDITORIAL: STAMPING OUT "APOLOGY ILLITERACY"
The issue of empathy vs. apology is a critical and too often misunderstood issue within healthcare, insurance, and legal circles. We spent an entire chapter on this issue in the Sorry Works! Book ( http://www.sorryworks.net/booksoon.phtml), and spend considerable time during every Sorry Works! presentation on this issue. Yet, the issue persists. Look below at the recent exchange on the NPSF listserv regarding the meaning and consequences of "sorry."
Understanding the important differences between empathy and apology are critical to the disclosure movement as well as the success of individual disclosure programs within hospitals, medical practices, and insurers. We need to teach everyone about these differences and literally drill it into people's brains! It is simply unacceptable for anyone to believe that "sorry" automatically equates to an apology. This "apology illiteracy" must be stamped out in every corner. Please join us in this effort.
Exchange on NPSF Listserv
The exchange below between Mary Crotty and Dave Costa below highlight an important misunderstanding in disclosure: The difference between empathy and true apology. We spend a lot of time in Sorry Works! presentations before healthcare providers on this topic, and dedicated an entire chapter in our book to it. The issue is that important – and that confused!
Let's be clear....saying "sorry" does not automatically construe an apology. It's all about context! "Sorry" always implies empathy/compassion, and in a smaller subset of cases it also implies accepting responsibility, fault, etc. All how you choose your words. "I'm sorry this happened...I feel bad for you" is empathy versus "I'm sorry, a mistake was made..." is an apology.
If you made a mistake and you offer a true apology, of course it can be admitted as evidence of guilt. However, hopefully, you have a disclosure program in place where you pro-actively are working with the patient/family to address economic and non-economic needs, which reduces and eliminates anger and the need for litigation in most instances. This is another topic we spend a lot of time teaching!
Cheers,
Doug Wojcieszak, Founder
The Sorry Works! Coalition
PO Box 531
Glen Carbon, IL 62034
www.sorryworks.net
618-559-8168
Come on Mary...saying "I'm sorry for your loss" is compassion and empathy. It is only an "admission" of guilt if you have a bad attorney.
The right thing to do is the first priority right? I work as litigation support and hear those words ....and see those words do far more GOOD than harm for all parties concerned.
People need to stop being so worried about communication of compassion for those we serve.
I'm sorry if this offended some....(Sorry, could not resist).
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
Best Regards,
Dave
An apology CAN legally be offered as admission of guilt, depending on jurisdiction--might have evidentiary value.
- Mary Crotty
I agree. Too many times people equate "I'm sorry" to mean a legal admission of guilt, which is a mistake. Empathy goes a long way for all parties concerned. Empathy is a position of strength..."I'm sorry" is a good first start.
Best Regards,
David Costa, CEO
Aviation Level Patient Safety
Renegade Concepts, Inc.
Cell: 775-742-7079
dcosta@aviationlevelpatientsafety.com
NEW YORK TIMES VIDEO ON APOLOGY AND DISCLOSURE
Many of you will remember the New York Times ran a Sunday front page story about disclosure and followed it up with a great editorial this summer. Both articles are available on the Sorry Works! website.
Well, the Times did it again, this time with a video about the issue of apology and disclosure. Very well done - to see the video paste the following statement into your Google Browser: Op-Ed: Physician, Say You're Sorry.
We'd be happy to provide the direct link, but the Times website is not cooperating. Sorry! But the video is definitely worth the extra step.
SORRY WORKS! BOOKS FOR CHRISTMAS - JUST $24.99 PER COPY
Hard to believe it, but Christmas is here. With a tight economy you'll need to find reasonably priced gifts for the healthcare, insurance, and legal professionals on your list. Enter the Sorry Works! Book. For $24.99 per copy, you can provide the "how-to" manual on disclosure and apology. However, the book is only 103 pages in length, so even the busiest doctor or lawyer can read it on a plane ride or over a weekend. The book also includes a stylish bookmark with disclosure tips.
Bulk discounts are available for large orders.
You won't find a more meaningful gift or more appreciated gift for the price. To order individual copies visit this link: http://www.sorryworks.net/booksoon.phtml. To make a bulk purchase, e-mail doug@sorryworks.net or call 618- 559-8168.
Merry Christmas!
SORRY WORKS! PRESENTATION TO NEW JERSEY STATE MEDICAL SOCIETY WELL RECEIVED/2009 SORRY WORKS! PRESENTATIONS...
The Sorry Works! presentation made to the New Jersey State Medical Society shortly before Thanksgiving was very well-received. We appreciated the opportunity to speak to the organization and look forward to working with the society and other groups and companies in the Garden State to make disclosure a reality. This was our fifth trip overall to New Jersey, and second this fall. We sense real momentum for disclosure in New Jersey and are expecting great things in 2009. If you are in New Jersey and want to get involved, contact doug@sorryworks.net or 618-559-8168.
The New Jersey presentation was the last public Sorry Works! presentation for 2008, but the 2009 calendar is starting to fill up quickly. To book a Sorry Works! presentation, call 618-559-8168 or e-mail doug@sorryworks.net.
GREAT ARTICLE ON APOLOGY FROM IRISH TIMES
Below is a truly great and indepth article on apology from the Irish Times. This is one worth sharing with colleagues and friends, and posting in the lounge or break room for all to see. The article gives people pause to really think about apology in professional and personal relationships. Enjoy!
An apology works only if it is sincere MARIE MURRAY
Tue, Nov 11, 2008
HEALTH PLUS:The faux-apology, the "I'm sorry but . . .", and the daily apology all serve only to re-offend, writes Marie Murray
APOLOGIES ARE part of life. They range from the trivial to the abject. They may save a marriage or a nation or they may destroy the last vestiges of a relationship or the final shreds of international diplomacy.
Apologies must be sincere. They must be genuine. They should not be given if they are not felt. If they are disingenuous, their artificiality is transparent and is a re-offence. Apologies are given in a relationship and it takes two people or more to participate in the event.
It is something that has enormous psychological significance, depending on the original act, the context in which it occurred, the time and length of time since it happened, whether or not it was one event or a pattern of behaviour in a relationship and the connection between the people involved.
Apologies must be delivered at the right time and in the service of truly conveying that one has recognised that what was said or done was inappropriate, hurtful, annoying or distressing to the other person, with a wish to make amends.
Anything falling short of that is not an apology. It may be words of apology; it may be an expression of regret, but its motivation and intent are not genuine and it can be more hurtful than saying nothing.
Apologies may be spontaneous or they may be formally required in cases where public offence has been given and there is a need for a person or an organisation to make a public act of contrition.
In these instances, words are considered carefully, each one selected to convey an accurate sense of what occurred and an appropriate level of retraction or contrition for that.
These publicly required, formulaic apologies can also hurt many people. Apologies for a health service that failed while no genuine concern for public health is displayed, while ruthless cutbacks continue and the squandering of resources that could have saved lives is not acknowledged and the message is an admonishment that budgetary realism takes precedent over life and death are not apologies.
If there is no evidence that a public act of contrition will also bring about change, it is seen as the placatory performance it is and incenses the populace further.
In the personal world also, apologies that are not sincere are easily identified. They add fuel to the discontent that originally occasioned them.
Apologies given to end an argument without having truly heard the other person's grievance, such as "okay, I'm sorry, my fault, now are you happy?" are as distasteful as the original offence.
One of the worst kinds of apologies are those given as an excuse to re-open argument, "I'm sorry, but . . ." which is to exonerate the perpetrator rather than to express remorse. The "domestic violence" apology is the ultimate example. This "I'm sorry, but why did you make me hit you?" formula places blame on the victim for provocation.
It is not an apology. It is an excuse. It is given to justify what occurred not redress it.
What about the routine "sorry" for something done daily? This is a passive- aggressive act, rather than an apology. For it is given so that the person can continue to do what they always do and silence any protest by pre-empting it with a veneer of regret.
In the workplace, for example, those who invariably arrive late to every office meeting and offer a formulaic expression of pseudo- regret give no genuine apology to their colleagues at all.
Apologies may contain an explanation, provided it is not an excuse. Most people will understand if someone apologises for being short, irritable, terse or answering touchily out of personal stress or during a difficult time in their lives.
The person who says "I'm sorry I snapped, I've just been so worried this week" is explaining why there has been an aberrant change in their predictable behaviour. This asks other people to understand that it was not planned, not personal, not usual and not intended at all.
Insight is a gift. The rules of social exchange, workplace protocol, family consideration, personal relationship and interpersonal exchange are delicate, complex and can be inadvertently broken.
Sensitivity is important. The foot-in-mouth, the blundering in, the clumsy, gauche approach hurts the perpetrator more than the recipients of his or her tactlessness. We are lucky if we know when we offend and can offer apology.
The instrument of apology is an important human tool, worth using carefully, genuinely and well.
mmurray@irish-times.ie Clinical psychologist Marie Murray is director of the Student Counselling Services in UCD. Her book, Living our Times, has just been re-released in paperback.
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